Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If ( (Life == Risk) || (Risk == Life) ) {

It was April 7th 2009, At 9 am in the morning, I was before the computer and staring at a website, which was suppose to show me the results of the Interview I had at TISS (Tata Institute Of Social Sciences).

I knew, I was out of options. I knew that either am gonna hit a jackpot or I am gonna be a bankrupt. Bankrupt more emotionally than financially. As I was eagerly waiting for the results, pressing the refresh button with every passing second. My memories rolled to the day of the Interview.

To be fair, I never knew the prowess that TISS had in the business world. The day of my interview showed it all. Green filled campus, voluminous library, spacious Sports hall, list of Doctorates (faculty list) and the competition am suppose to face If ever I get into TISS. I spoke to people who were toppers of their university, rank holder in IIT, A persian language specialist, Person with 9 years experience with Infosys, a fresher who has scored an aggregate of 89% in his engineering and 2 guys who were already into IIMC and IIML. unfortunately for me, these wonders of the world were my competitors to a mere 53 seats. I was scared really scared and had to be.

As I began getting my composure back it was already 10:30 am, my click this time bought some news. "The results will be announced at 3pm today". My anxiety now had doubled and not knowing what to do, I picked up the first book at my desk. The first sentence on the book read. "If you really want something in life and you sincerely work towards it, the whole nature will conspire with you to get you what you want". As this quote began to sink in, I dozed to the end days with caritor.

It took only a sentence by my colleague to make my decision to quit caritor. Yes a timely word can change the world, and it happened in my life. Pradyu had said "Naveen, you are living someone else's dream, what about yours ??" I don't think pradyu remember saying this, because it never mattered to him, but it mattered a world to me. From then on I tried each moment to convince myself of not taking the drastic step but I failed. As some one said "Dream is not something which comes while sleeping but dream is something which never lets you sleep".

As I got away with the dozed state, The clock had ticked 11:15 am. I began to think, had that incident not happened, I could have been in a better position. I had a job, a competitive salary, company which was very near to my house and everything. Many questions lingered in my mind. Did I take a wrong decision ?? , did I hurry ??, Didn't I work enough ??, Was there any other way ??, What if I fail ??, Do I deserve what I desire ??, Wat if everything fails ??, what if ???????????? suddenly out of nowhere I heard my phone ringing, call from my father bought the expected question "did the results come". NO I said, he said to come and join him for lunch as it was already 1:30 pm.

As I finished an unusually silent lunch with my dad, it was already 2:30, I hurriedly went back to my room upstairs. Having seen my parents so silent while at lunch, my thoughts now wandered about their reactions, if I fail. what are they going to feel ??, How are they going to answer the sarcastic comments by our relations ??.

I had a reason behind being so pessimistic about this result. failures with results was a familiar thing to me by then. I had written around 10 more exams just to see someone else getting into those colleges. I did not have a decent job to do (present), I could not expect a decent job for my profile (RECESSION). After failures, even with the average rated B-schools, masters in TISS was only a distant dream.

With all these feelings in my mind my excitement was down and dusted, I did not feel anything about the results now, I lost all my thoughts but the clock did not stop ticking. The clocked showed 3:15 and I knew it was time.

As I typed the register number and pressed the submit button, my father stepped in. I was selected to the masters in HR @ TISS. he was enthralled and I was relieved. He wiped the sweat on his fore head and said 'finally you did it', with a tinge of smile in his face now.

I had only one question to ask him now "What if I had failed ???", the answer from my dad was unexpected. He just said "The day you made up your mind, I knew you will succeed". Yes, I think thats the reason he said that day (around a year and half prior to this day) "If you really think its your dream, then go and get it".

I still don't know if I deserve it or not, I don't know if am capable, I don't know the way to succeed at such an institute but what I know is the worth to get into that institute and to give my best to get the maximum out of the same.

But....................................What if I had failed ???


Raju said...

Hmmm nice dude..
I was the one had doubted on your decission you took years back but i have expected this too.

But now "I" can assure that you will have bright study and create some thing which you deserved!!

I dont know about "U".

Keep going, time follows you..

Anonymous said...

All the best for your studies and don't search for alternate methods for time pass during studies.

-- from Nethra

Anonymous said...

One should believe himself that what he is doing is

correct that leads to the step of success and

remaining what you have written in the blog "If you

really want something in life and you sincerely work

towards it, the whole nature will conspire with you

to get you what you want"

And the whole thats what u did to deserve the success

I wish u all the success and good luck in ur future


shri said...

Dude f'in enough of your "What if I had failed" question. You believe you are capable, you believed you could do it and that is why you took that decision on that day. If you had failed you would have started all over again. You would have repeated it until you do it. Ashte. Tension yaake? I think you have the answer. So I am not expecting any such sort of trivial questions again in any of your future blogs. :)

Anyways, regarding the blog.. cool you are getting there, presentation is getting better and better. give us some more..

and, yappa yappa yappa en avu commentsu, Sherine yaavaglu hange, enadru helu andre illa bible inda dialogues copy hoditaale, illa andre yaaru helta idaro avrde copy hoditaale. Waaaaste fellow.

your leap in the dark got some light now yeah?
It was very obvious,something like if its a star it must glow, if its a light pole(you) it must give light. Dont mind my poor simile skills.

Keep going..

good work- both personally and in regards to blogging.

take care

krupa said...

The most important thing in any human is his/her confidence i appriciate ur confidence by leaving ur job n getting to a decesion of further studies especially stepping ahead towards ur dream..... n also your luck to finally getting into a good college which makes ur dream to come true n to dream higher..... All the very best Naveen have fun n fulfill ur dreams in TISS

Hemanth said...

Hey Mr lucky
hope u get all the happiness missed out these 2 long years ............

Anonymous said...

Well to say, the question What if I fail? will always be there in one's mind. U strive and if are deserved for it u definitely get it no doubt of it and no matter what the circumstances are.

Be patient till u achieve your dream holding down all the critics for the brave decesions one will definitely appriciate on the day we are suceded in achieving the same.

Wish u a hearty Good luck in your journey towords the next success....:)

Pavan kumar R

Anonymous said...

What if I had failed ??? Simple "Still Life Goes On..." :)

"Every action we take, everything we do, is either a victory or defeat in the struggle to become what we want to be."

"Just want to say good for the information and you have truly done such a wonderful job. But frankly, I think you have got enough for all you have done."

Never under estimate him, as he will make others to search for alternate methods for time pass during studies but carefully observer him at that time he will not be there while searching.

@Hemanth, Good One.
Most of all knows he is lucky, and also i guess he had not missed his 2 long years of happiness but tried to put back in different way.

U know who am I.

Naveen Keshava said...

Thanks for the feed back frens.... I knew you people will have something to share :)

@Raju : The day I told you about the decision, you doubted my decision, but you trusted me. And that was sufficient for me.. Thanks for being with me in tough times maga...

@Nethra : Nethra you been a great teacher to me. In fact, there were moments when I thought, I wanted to be like you (As in, think like you). As far as time passing is concerned. Don't worry, After all I have learn't the skill of prioritization from you :). I will be a good students and obey the skills learnt.

@Sherine : sherine, wve shld have been gud frens in the engg itself, isn't it ? There is one quality which makes you a lot different from others. And I will tell it to you, one day. The day when we both have enough time to discuss the philosophical things :)

@Shri : dude, thanks for the comments on my blogging skills. It will improve my writing. failure, Is what I dont want to think about right now. so I dont bother to answer your rest of the comments. And 4 you, You r the king man. Its time to show off with ur deeds :). My best advice would be to do it now :)

@ krupa : I am lucky, Thanks 4 bringing it to the fore front :( . I carefully concealed the fact, watching my words, never to mention the word luck in this post. but I knew, my pals who have seen me prepare for these exams, know how lucky I am :). You are a champ kru, you always been the inspiration. Gud luck for your career.

@Hemanth : I know you are jealous about my luck buddy :).... Its just that that, god gives me opportunity to get in and get out of the situation at just the right time. and usually I cash in. [Quote:: hope u get all the happiness missed out these 2 long years ] .... now ... do you really mean it ?? out of happiness and me ?? you must be joking :)

@Pavan : Pals if someone has seen all the extreme emotions of mine. It should be this guy Pavan. Luckily for me he had enough of patience to bear all those extremism and remain a friend. Thanks Pavan, thanks.

@U know who am I :: now then, This guy prompted me to respond to these comments. Probably you all know who is this guy ... ya.... Mr.MAHESH.M . I have so many things to tell about him........ but.... He knows all those !!!!!!!!......I dont know yar...but one day, am sure i.e damm sure...he will die :)

Thanks friends, I will miss you all. Plese keep in touch.
Thanks a lot

saurabh said...

well u n me were thr on the same day to get interviewed...i still remember hw annoyed u were to answer some wierd questions asked in ur interview...but atlast we both made it...destiny dint allow me to continue my jrny at tiss..but i wish u loads of success in all aspects of lyf...

Anonymous said...

sorry for delay,
What if I had failed ??? As per me I could have told to try and try and try till U succeed....... Dont worry about the past comments what the people did. Live it off everything and Enjoy ur present and plan for ur future. All the best work hard. Will U?????

Neha said...

what if you had failed? hmmm...i guess you could have just said " life's like that" and moved on :P

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