Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If ( (Life == Risk) || (Risk == Life) ) {



It was April 7th 2009, At 9 am in the morning, I was before the computer and staring at a website, which was suppose to show me the results of the Interview I had at TISS (Tata Institute Of Social Sciences).

I knew, I was out of options. I knew that either am gonna hit a jackpot or I am gonna be a bankrupt. Bankrupt more emotionally than financially. As I was eagerly waiting for the results, pressing the refresh button with every passing second. My memories rolled to the day of the Interview.


To be fair, I never knew the prowess that TISS had in the business world. The day of my interview showed it all. Green filled campus, voluminous library, spacious Sports hall, list of Doctorates (faculty list) and the competition am suppose to face If ever I get into TISS. I spoke to people who were toppers of their university, rank holder in IIT, A persian language specialist, Person with 9 years experience with Infosys, a fresher who has scored an aggregate of 89% in his engineering and 2 guys who were already into IIMC and IIML. unfortunately for me, these wonders of the world were my competitors to a mere 53 seats. I was scared really scared and had to be.

As I began getting my composure back it was already 10:30 am, my click this time bought some news. "The results will be announced at 3pm today". My anxiety now had doubled and not knowing what to do, I picked up the first book at my desk. The first sentence on the book read. "If you really want something in life and you sincerely work towards it, the whole nature will conspire with you to get you what you want". As this quote began to sink in, I dozed to the end days with caritor.

It took only a sentence by my colleague to make my decision to quit caritor. Yes a timely word can change the world, and it happened in my life. Pradyu had said "Naveen, you are living someone else's dream, what about yours ??" I don't think pradyu remember saying this, because it never mattered to him, but it mattered a world to me. From then on I tried each moment to convince myself of not taking the drastic step but I failed. As some one said "Dream is not something which comes while sleeping but dream is something which never lets you sleep".

As I got away with the dozed state, The clock had ticked 11:15 am. I began to think, had that incident not happened, I could have been in a better position. I had a job, a competitive salary, company which was very near to my house and everything. Many questions lingered in my mind. Did I take a wrong decision ?? , did I hurry ??, Didn't I work enough ??, Was there any other way ??, What if I fail ??, Do I deserve what I desire ??, Wat if everything fails ??, what if ???????????? suddenly out of nowhere I heard my phone ringing, call from my father bought the expected question "did the results come". NO I said, he said to come and join him for lunch as it was already 1:30 pm.

As I finished an unusually silent lunch with my dad, it was already 2:30, I hurriedly went back to my room upstairs. Having seen my parents so silent while at lunch, my thoughts now wandered about their reactions, if I fail. what are they going to feel ??, How are they going to answer the sarcastic comments by our relations ??.

I had a reason behind being so pessimistic about this result. failures with results was a familiar thing to me by then. I had written around 10 more exams just to see someone else getting into those colleges. I did not have a decent job to do (present), I could not expect a decent job for my profile (RECESSION). After failures, even with the average rated B-schools, masters in TISS was only a distant dream.

With all these feelings in my mind my excitement was down and dusted, I did not feel anything about the results now, I lost all my thoughts but the clock did not stop ticking. The clocked showed 3:15 and I knew it was time.

As I typed the register number and pressed the submit button, my father stepped in. I was selected to the masters in HR @ TISS. he was enthralled and I was relieved. He wiped the sweat on his fore head and said 'finally you did it', with a tinge of smile in his face now.

I had only one question to ask him now "What if I had failed ???", the answer from my dad was unexpected. He just said "The day you made up your mind, I knew you will succeed". Yes, I think thats the reason he said that day (around a year and half prior to this day) "If you really think its your dream, then go and get it".

I still don't know if I deserve it or not, I don't know if am capable, I don't know the way to succeed at such an institute but what I know is the worth to get into that institute and to give my best to get the maximum out of the same.

But....................................What if I had failed ???

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